1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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