So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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