Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
