if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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