wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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