do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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