i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
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And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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