What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
