I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
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