Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
