so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
