we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
