you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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