Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My balls are so social today.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
organizing the empties. That sober.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
