is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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