Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
