is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
A+ Viking dick
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
