At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
