the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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