I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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