: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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