To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
