My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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