I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize