The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize