who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
