He is an equal opportunity slut.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
