my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
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Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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