you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
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I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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