dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
