I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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