so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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