fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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