She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
