I'm so fucking centered right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants