I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.