i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE