Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME