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he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
