I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
