The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i came on her dog
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
