watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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