I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
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All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
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Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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