apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?