I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
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just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜