You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess