Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath