so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.