my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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