He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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