its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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