I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
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so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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