So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
