He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize