he told me I talked like a deaf person
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
