It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
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Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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