doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
