There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize